


Heartbreak is the Wave of the Future

by cristianoronaldo



Category: Football RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-15
Updated: 2013-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-20 07:32:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cristianoronaldo/pseuds/cristianoronaldo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xabi knew that maybe in a good story with good men, a miracle would have occurred and he could keep both Madrid and Liverpool, both himself and Stevie, but his wasn’t a good story, and they weren’t good men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreak is the Wave of the Future

**Author's Note:**

> will this pairing ever stop breaking my heart   
> (Answer: no)

They spoke a little while after it ended because they were always the sort of couple who could talk about stuff like that (fights, break-ups, losses, etc.), and it was no different this time. Steven asked why it ended, and Xabi answered, “Because you always tried to fix me.” 

 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

 

“No. You told me I was broken.” There was a long pause, and Xabi didn’t know how to word what he was feeling, but he wanted to feel complete, not broken and empty. “I was never broken, and there was never anything to fix.” 

 

There was a tone of finality. Steven hung up first. 

 

+ 

 

They didn’t speak again until Real Madrid was kicked out of the Champions League by Borussia Dortmund. Steven watched for Xabi. He wanted to see Xabi cry for what he’d lost. He knew he was bitter, but. Well that was it, really. He knew he was bitter. 

 

He didn’t see Xabi cry, but he did see him with that heartbroken, lost look. That was why Steven said he was broken. That was why Steven wanted to fix him. Seeing it again wasn’t nearly as satisfying as he thought it would be. And he began to realize that Xabi was right. He wasn’t broken, just a little lost. 

 

+ 

 

Steven wasn’t broken, just a little lost. He did that thing where he called Xabi and hung up once Xabi answered, and it was quite possibly one of the most pathetic things he’d ever done, but he did it for love, dammit, and love ruined the best of men. 

 

The final time he called, Xabi just sighed into the phone. “Stevie, I know it’s you. I have Caller ID.” 

 

The other man opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. What would he say anyway? What else did he have left to give? An apology? An apology wouldn’t mean shit, and Xabi would know that. No. Steven didn’t want to apologize. He was too proud for that, and besides he wasn’t sorry. 

 

He didn’t want to apologize, and he didn’t really want to talk. He just wanted Xabi back and whatever that entailed. He hung up. 

 

+ 

 

“Alright, so what’s the big deal with you and Steven Gerrard anyway?” 

 

Iker didn’t want to bring it up, but Xabi had been weird ever since his visit to Liverpool for that charity event. He liked things normal. He liked things calm. But he played for Real Madrid, so he wasn’t really used to shit like that. 

 

Xabi just shrugged, and played with the zipper on his duffel bag. “Nothing, really. He was a great captain, but he’s not my captain anymore. And he won’t be ever again.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “Honestly, Iker, would I lie to you?” 

 

Iker just looked at Xabi like _don’t think for a second that I trust you_. Xabi smiled innocently. 

 

“Honestly, Iker, he means nothing.” 

 

+ 

 

Xabi told Steven he meant nothing a little while after that. He was drunk and falling over, and Real Madrid had just won something. Xabi was happy, but a little bit inside of him was still red. He wanted to tell his captain that he was grateful for every moment, but when he answered the phone, Xabi shouted something he couldn’t remember. 

 

“You abandoned me,” Steven replied, and his voice was calm and quiet. “You’re the one who left. Don’t you pretend for a second that any of this is my fault.” 

 

Xabi laughed into the phone. He said he wasn’t sorry for anything. He said that he’d never felt more complete in his life. He said, “If anything was ever broken about me, you didn’t fix it. You didn’t fix anything. You weren’t anything.” 

 

Xabi hung up. He passed out. He forced himself not to remember in the morning. 

 

+ 

 

“There’s something about us that doesn’t leave my mind very easily,” Xabi said into the phone when Steven called again, this time with a simple hello because he felt bad about their last talk. Xabi hung up after that, and afterwards he regretted it because that was a little strange and childish, and it only made him more miserable. 

 

Steven called again later that night, and they had their first normal conversation in months. Steven asked about training and their new coach. Xabi asked about Liverpool and what it was like to feel red all over. He didn’t tease him and he didn’t call him Stevie. 

 

“Bye, Xabi,” Steven said at the end of the conversation. He waited for Xabi to hang up before holding the phone to his chest and shutting his eyes. He fell asleep listening to the dial tone. 

 

+ 

 

Xabi didn’t visit Liverpool for a long time after that. He and Steven didn’t talk very often, but when they did, Xabi teased him. He called him Stevie. Sometimes he called him captain. Xabi knew that maybe in a good story with good men, a miracle would have occurred and he could keep both Madrid and Liverpool, both himself and Stevie, but his wasn’t a good story, and they weren’t good men. 

 

Xabi stayed in Madrid. Steven stayed in Liverpool. Sometimes they talked. Sometimes Xabi called him captain. It wasn’t like before, but it wasn’t like the very first _after_ either. They were still hurt, and Steven began to think of Xabi as broken again, but he didn’t try to fix him anymore. They never got together like they were meant to. Talking sometimes wasn’t nearly enough, but it was something. 


End file.
